


i ain’t a kid no more (we’ll never be those kids again)

by consistently_inconsistent



Series: good kids, mad city (urbanct au) [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: + all the turmoil that comes with growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, Abandonment, Ambiguous Relationships, Childhood Friends, Cigarettes, Growing Up Together, Jealousy, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Na Jaemin Are Siblings, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, basically jeno and jaemin being jeno and jaemin, but just a warning in case your uncomfortable, inner city au, it's in there for like a second, its an inner city au man these things happen, jaemin has a nose ring!!!!!, lami from sm rookies is their little sister, mentioned dubious consent, rated t because partying cursing and sexual innuendo, read the first one for world building and friendship tho!!!, republishing cos i got my friend to beta this, so i hope all the grammar mistakes are gone :))), this is technically a sequel to the last one, urban nct, urbanct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22674175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consistently_inconsistent/pseuds/consistently_inconsistent
Summary: In a place like Inner Neo City, where you couldn't rely on anything, Jeno found himself depending on Jaemin.Jaemin and his comfort, and encouraging looks, and warm eyes. Jaemin and his endlessly pretty smile, and the way he dyed his hair every few weeks. Jaemin, and the fact that he's been here since as far back as Jeno could remember, through Jeno's highest and lowest moments - Jaemin, who's never thought once about leaving.Jaemin was more than friends to Jeno, more than family, more than anything he could possibly put into words, a constant, the sun to Jeno's earth - and as their final year of high school grew shorter, Jeno wondered just how much longer Jaemin was going to be in his life.How much longer Jeno had until one of Jaemin's one night stand turned into a relationship, and that relationship stuck, and he moved away from Inner Neo City to a better place and a better life. A life Jeno and his reckless habits could never give Jaemin - who deserves so much more than anything both Jeno and Inner Neo City had to offer. Sometimes he feels guilty about it, about not wanting Jaemin to move away and make something better of himself.Truthfully, Jeno just doesn't want to be left behind.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Series: good kids, mad city (urbanct au) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599835
Comments: 16
Kudos: 96





	i ain’t a kid no more (we’ll never be those kids again)

**Author's Note:**

> the last one was written to rap and Lorde - this one was written mostly to Willow Smith

Jaemin is by no means a perfect person - Jeno's known him far too long to think that he is.

For starters, Jaemin's messy, not in the sense that he's dirty or unkempt - because he isn't, but in the sense that a lot of the time Jaemin doesn't really know what he's doing, where he is, or who he's going home with. Jeno's not a pariah, he has nothing against sex - fuck, he partakes in a bunch of one night stands himself, but Jaemin's just so unfazed about all of it. It shakes Jeno up sometimes, when Jaemin comes to school with so many hickeys that they start to look painful, or the lingering bruises of fingertips on his waist where Jeno could tell someone had been holding on a little too tight. Jaemin never seems to notice anything wrong with the marks, regardless of how he sometimes winces while taking off his clothes during gym, it hurts in Jeno's heart for more reasons than one and he has to hold himself back from tracking down whoever Jaemin was with last night and maybe giving them a couple bruises.

Secondly, Jaemin is reckless. Now, in this case Jeno really isn't one to talk - he gets into too many random fights to really lecture anyone about recklessness, but Jaemin is reckless, and Jeno doesn't have to say anything to think it. Jeno could chock it down to jealousy, but even apart from that there's a scared feeling in Jeno's gut every time he sees Jaemin on some stranger's lap, Jaemin already halfway intoxicated and more than a little out of it. The constant fear of Jaemin potentially been taking advantage of is almost constantly lingering on Jeno's brain - and honestly? He's sure it's happened already, Jaemin's just given in willingly because the boy was probably too drunk to have any resolve left to attempt to be safe about any of it, any of anything.

In a place like Inner Neo City it's both necessary and impossible to be safe, and honestly it's more impossible than necessary. Safety in Inner Neo City is a blessing, not an amenity, it comes after, well, staying alive and having food on your plate, nevertheless, sometimes Jeno thinks Jaemin's regard for his own well being is too little - especially when he kills himself over keeping the rest of them happy and healthy.

Thirdly, Jaemin is, well, Jaemin. None of the above would have been a problem if he wasn't. Because Jaemin, regardless of all the sex and drugs and alcohol, was somehow still unbelievably pure and kind. Their high school is no stranger to slut shaming, no high school is, and yet Jaemin can show up to school every Monday, with purple marks dotting his neck, and no one would say or do anything - because he's Jaemin? How could anyone do anything to Na Jaemin? He's popular at school, even more than Renjun is or Mark was last year, how could he not be with a face and, more importantly, a personality like that? Because Jaemin is flirty, but he's also friendly, kind and accepting and welcoming no matter who you were or where you came from. And Jaemin is pretty, of course he's pretty, all you needed were eyes to see that - but the fact that he was inarguably pretty didn't excuse much of anything, but Jaemin's brightness and friendliness and overall love and care for other people did.

He wasn't perfect, not by a long shot. But it didn't matter, because he was Jaemin, and what more could Jeno ask for?

It's just the two of them right now, on the rooftop of the ratty housing complex Jaemin lives in with his older brother Jaehyun and his younger sister Lami. Jaemin sleeps on a couch every night, letting Lami and his older brother have a room for themselves - he'd argued with them about it too. Eventually they'd both given in because, well, Jaemin. Jeno was smoking his cigarettes, a pretty common sight with the older boy, he'd just come back from his shift at Kim's Convenience with Doyoung - who, if Jeno was honest, had only hired him because he had a soft spot for Jeno and not because of Jeno's (frankly, nonexistent) work ethic. Jeno was okay with people, not as good as Jaemin or Renjun or Chenle or Donghyuck, but probably better than Mark and Jisung, definitely better than Mark and Jisung.

They were on the roof, Jaemin sat cross legged with Jeno's head in his lap as the older exhaled smoke, thankfully the wind wasn't blowing against them, and Jeno's cigarette smoke drifted off towards the horizon instead of Jaemin's face. "Wanna go out tonight?" Jeno said through a mouthful of smoke, looking up at the younger with expectant eyes. Jaemin laughed, bright and airy, looking down to meet Jeno's eyes, he smiled. "sure why not, but I don't want to drink tonight," he said, "just, well, dance I guess." Jeno frowned, eyebrows scrunched together, Jaemin only didn't drink when he wasn't feeling well - or when something was wrong.

Jeno took in another inhale of his cigarette, "how come?" he asked, softly.

Jaemin shrugged, "I don't know," he said, "just a feeling, something cosmic telling me I shouldn't."

Jeno chuckled, "Has Jungwoo been practicing his fortune telling-tarot cards-gimmick-thing again?"

Jaemin pouted, whacking Jeno chest, "No!" He whined, "I've just got a feeling, y'know?" He sighed, staring up the sky, a dull blue colour as a product of the pollution created by the innumerable cars that sauntered down the streets of Neo City. "It's not bad or good or anything like that," Jaemin said, hand mindlessly drifting to Jeno's hair and fingers settling into bleached strands, coloured and re-coloured so many times that any remnants of the original dark brown were virtually gone, "I just feel like something important's going to happen tonight."

Jeno hummed, melting into the feeling of Jaemin's hand carding through his hair, he put his cigarette out against the floor and then chuckled, "personally I think you're spending too much time at Lionheart." Jaemin snorted, a funny little sound, and said, "you say that like I don't literally work there." Jeno shrugged, shoulder brushing against Jaemin's legs, "next thing I know you'll go back to that astrology phase you had in the 9th grade." Jaemin just whacked Jeno's chest again and left it at that.

Jeno, in retaliation, flicked the nose ring Jaemin had got weeks ago (a so-called gift from Jungwoo, but Jeno thought it was more of him wanting to practice piercing). Jaemin scrunched his nose, "don't!" Jeno rolled his eyes a chuckled, "what? It's pretty." Jaemin rolled his eyes fondly, but he didn't deny it. How could he, Jeno never thought he'd be into piercings, but the small, silver, ring that adorned Jaemin's nose as of last week was possibly the most ethereal thing Jeno hd ever seen. Save for perhaps Jaemin himself. 

"Okay big guy, go back to your cigarettes."

Jeno had known Jaemin since, well, he didn't really know. As far back as he could remember would probably be his best bet. Not-so-coincidentally, Jaemin was actually in Jeno's first memory, at least one of his first memories - it entailed Jeno, a little over 2 years old, sitting on the parking lot of a playground that had branded as such by generations of Inner Neo City kids, crying because he'd lost both the hat his mother had knit for him and well, Moon Taeil, who'd been about 11 and on babysitting duty at the time.

Jaemin, just under 2 years old, had showed up out of nowhere, pointing at Jeno and dragging Jaehyun, who was just about 5 at the time, behind him towards the boy while saying, "you promised me no one was allowed to cry over here!" and a series of other mostly nonsensical words that Jeno had never been able to make sense off. Still, it was a nice memory, and what was the start of a lifelong friendship.

That day onwards Jaemin and Jeno were hooked to each other, joined at the hip - and for a good two years it was just the two of them, at least on Jeno's end. Jaemin was always sociable and friendly, but Jeno wasn't, and frankly, little Jeno was a bit of a dick, and definitely mad possessive. It took 4 year old Mark Lee and the pokemon cards he'd stolen from his older brother, Johnny, for Jeno to finally have more than one friend. With Mark came Donghyuck, Mark's best friend at the time, and then there were four. Jaemin and Donghyuck got along like a house on fire, both energetic and social - and yeah, maybe for a bit Jeno had been worried Donghyuck would replace him as Jaemin's best friend, but truthfully he quite liked the boy himself.

When they were five, and Mark was six, they met Renjun. He was an oddity, the youngest in the first chinese family to move into their rundown corner of Inner Neo City. But Renjun was cool, and he spoke korean well enough to talk to everyone in school. Jaemin approached him about 2 days after he arrived - and soon, Renjun was sitting with the four of them every lunch. Renjun turned out to be funny and mischievous and about as rebellious as a five year old could get, and he assimilated with the rest of them so easily it was if he'd been there all along.

Eventually they'd picked up Jisung along the way too. Almost 2 years younger than Jeno and about fifty times more mature than Donghyuck, Jisung had just showed up one day, walking into the 2nd grade class instead of the 1st grade one by accident. He'd gotten completely flustered yelling out a "sorry!", before quickly rushing out of the class red-face. Jaemin and Donghyuck had shot each other a look and that day onwards Jisung was just, there. And Jeno loved the boy, he was great, the little brother Jeno had never had and always wanted.

Chenle was an outlier, the newest edition to their friend group. They'd met Chenle when Jeno was seven and still too young to figure out that Chenle was unlike anyone Jeno had ever met before. He'd showed up at their playground one day because he'd strayed away from his nanny on the way to some dinner with his family - but none of them knew that, least of all Chenle who just looked a little confused and a lot excited. They'd made friends with him quickly, Chenle's was bright and he laughed a lot, they adopted him into their friend group fast and after that first time Chenle showed up at the playground every day without fail. It wasn't until years later that they realised just how different Chenle was from the rest of them. Nevertheless, they knew Chenle, really knew him, and Jeno put his own preconceived notions about rich people and politicians aside, because Chenle wasn't either of those just yet - he was a product of them, sure, but as of now he was just Chenle, and Jeno loved him for it.

Jeno came out of his shell in his teenage years, not as much as most of his friends, but it was a step forward nevertheless and Jeno was genuinely a nicer, more pleasant person, even if he never really gave up his cigarettes or stopped getting into fights at minimal provocation. Regardless, through it all, Jaemin was always there. No matter who came (Mark, Donghyuck, Renjun, Jisung, Chenle) and who left (Jeno's mom), Jaemin was always there, and he showed no signs of leaving any time soon - Jeno would know, he'd been left behind a bunch of times. And in a place where you couldn't rely on anything or anyone, Jeno found himself depending on Jaemin.

Depending on Jaemin and his comfort, and encouraging looks, and warm eyes. Jaemin and his endlessly pretty smile, and the way he dyed his hair every few weeks. Jaemin, and the fact that he's been here since as far back as Jeno could remember, through Jeno's highest and lowest moments, through his Mt. Everest and his Mariana Trench - Jaemin, who's never thought once about leaving. Jaemin was more than friends to Jeno, more than family, more than anything he could possibly put into words. Jaemin was a constant, the sun to Jeno's earth, nothing would exist without Jaemin - at least not in Jeno's head.

And as their final year of high school grew shorter and shorter, Jeno wondered just how much longer Jaemin was going to be in his life. How much longer Jeno had until one of Jaemin's one night stand turned into a relationship, and that relationship stuck, and he moved away from Inner Neo City to an infinitely better place and made himself an infinitely better life. A life Jeno, and his constant habit of getting into fights and trouble and coming home to his dad with bloodied knuckles, could never give Jaemin - who deserves so much more than everything both Jeno and Inner Neo City had to offer. Sometimes he feels guilty about it, about not wanting Jaemin to move away and make something better of himself, of his endless gifts, and kindness, and beauty, and every single other incredible thing that Jaemin has to offer.

Truthfully, Jeno just doesn't want to be left behind.

True to his words Jaemin did not drink that night.

They, of course, went to The Luna. After years and years, Taeil, the bar owner, had finally, finally, allowed Jeno, Renjun, Donghyuck and Jaemin to actually drink, since the four of them were officially eighteen now - nevertheless, it wasn't like they hadn't been drinking at the bar up till this year. It was just that they could do it semi-legally now. Up until now, all they really had to do was get in, and Taeil liked all of them too much to not let them inside at the very least, and then they just had to bribe Yuta with the promise of updates on Renjun's brother, Sicheng's, love life - and various other assortments of information that would help the japanese boy get with him, and Yuta would sneak them a couple shots and maybe a cocktail if he was feeling generous. Yeah, maybe they were pimping out Sicheng a little but, well, all's fair in love and teenage rebellion.

Half an hour into the night Mark was almost completely wasted - as he always was despite being the oldest of their group, Renjun and Donghyuck were with him on the dance floor, mostly dancing with each other and various other strangers, while shooting the older boy a glance every minute or so to make sure Mark hadn't fallen down or something. It was a more common sight then you'd think - Mark Lee, 19, passed out on the dance floor.

Jisung and Chenle were still on dance floor too, however completely sober - not even Yuta was stupid enough to give Zhong Chenle a drink and risk getting arrested for a lifetime, and Jisung was all of Inner Neo City's younger brother so even if he asked Yuta would say no. Jeno however had downed a couple shots and now nursed a beer at Yuta's side of the bar, Jaemin sitting next to him, wholly sober while Jeno was just about edging towards tipsy, and engaging in rapid conversation with Yuta.

"Not drinking tonight?" Yuta said with a grin, leaning forward towards Jaemin, "that doesn't seem like you."

Jaemin shrugged, taking a sip from the mocktail Yuta had made him, "Just some sort of feeling telling me I shouldn't tonight."

Yuta raised a brow, "has Jungwoo been practicing his tarot readings on you again?"

"No! Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

Jeno laughed from next to him, wrapping an arm around Jaemin. "Only because usually it takes a lot more than a 'feeling' to keep you sober," he said, "and also because Jungwoo's, well, Jungwoo." Jaemin huffed, folding his arms against his chest but making no attempt to push Jeno's off. Yuta nodded sagely from behind the counter, "frankly, I couldn't have said it better myself." Jaemin's scowl intensified and he took another long sip of his drink, "whatever you losers," he said grumpily, "anyway Yuta, how's your endless pining after Winwin going."

Jeno tuned out the conversation after that, focusing instead on his beer and Jaemin's face as he wandered his way through the conversation, the gentle slope of his nose, the brightness of his eyes, the rapid movement of his lips as he conversed with the bartender. Finally, the words, "I'm surprised no one's hit on you yet, usually you're quite the popular one," and then, "maybe it's because Jeno's draped over you like a possessive dog" broke Jeno out of his semi-intoxicated haze. He straightened out, unravelling his arms from around Jaemin and shooting Yuta a dirty look, "hey!" Yuta raised his arms up in surrender with a knowing grin on his face, "ok, ok, calm down big guy." He said. Jaemin just shook his head with a smile as Jeno relaxed next to him, "I don't mind tonight, don't worry," he said, "I'm not really feeling 'waking up in a stranger's bed and having to find my way back home early in the morning' tonight."

Yuta looked at him wide eyed, "Now that really doesn't sound like you."

Jaemin grinned teasingly, "Are you calling me a slut?"

"You know full well I'm in no position to call anyone a slut."

Jaemin shrugged, laughing at Yuta's wide, smirk, "Fair enough," he giggled.

Jeno rolled his eyes, the two of them were too similar for anyone's good. Jeno would know, he had grown up with both of them. Yuta had been clinging onto Sicheng ever since he and his family moved to Neo City, and since Sicheng and Jaehyun became fast friends (much like Renjun and Jaemin) - and because they were both Jeno's best friend's older siblings - Jeno had seen all three of them a whole lot growing up. He'd never tell the other two but Yuta was always his favorite, he'd never tell Yuta either though, he'd just make fun of him for it. And maybe big part of why Jeno loved him so much was because Yuta and Jaemin were also uncannily similar. That detail would also remain unsaid, if Jeno had anything to do with it, thankfully he did.

They were both similarly teasing and reckless and a little bit on the wild side - but Jaemin had a quiet kindness to him that Yuta didn't, Yuta's goodness was more like Renjun's, mischievous and subtle, angry when he needed to be, taking action when action was needed. They were still similar though, sharing a common love of dance and bullying Jeno, Jeno didn't really mind, they had a nice dynamic, like an uncle and his nephew, Jeno figured it was because Jaehyun had basically raised Jaemin himself.

Jaemin and Yuta had more unsavory things in common too, like the fact that both of them could down 12 shots and come out only tipsy and that both had the uncanny habit of waking up in stranger's arms and quickly leaving before their partner for the night would wake up. Jeno sometimes wondered how Yuta could do it so often while never giving up on Sicheng, it almost felt a little, well, stupid, almost counter productive - then again, Jeno had been pining pretty much his entire life and he himself was no stranger to one night stands.

"Nice nose ring by the way, Jaem. I like it, it's pretty."

"Thanks, I was a little on the fence about it but Jeno thought so too so now I'm just going to roll with it."

Jeno chuckled, leaning back onto Jaemin and nodding sagely.

They left the bar at around quarter to three in the morning - but not before Jaemin forced him into a dance.

Jeno was still only just tipsy. He'd only been drinking beer since the first couple shots, after all. Jaemin had grabbed his hands telling him to dance with him, he'd given Jeno those large eyes and at first Jeno had refused with a grin - more because he liked seeing Jaemin pout than because he didn't want to dance - but then Yuta had threatened to never give him free drinks again if he didn't go dance right now (Jeno knew he wasn't serious, but he gave in any way, he was a sucker like that - honestly he was just a sucker in general) and Jeno conceded, allowing Jaemin to drag him towards their friends, hand in hand. Jeno held on tightly, not wanting either of them to get separated in the throng of bodies that took up the dance floor. 

Dancing was fun, it was always fun, and dancing with friends and in a throng of bodies that didn't really care what you looked like was honestly even better. Jeno spent a good chunk of his time busking with Jaemin and Jisung, it had always been the easiest way to make cash especially because they were good and cute and the rich neo city-zens (as the world had dubbed them) down in midtown - a.k.a nice, not inner, neo city - always ate that up. But this dancing was different, it was freer, Jeno could let himself go, let the music and Jaemin's hands in his sweep him away.

Contrary to popular belief, Jeno, an introvert, actually quite liked dancing at bars. At least as long as he was with his friends. It had become familiar now, since they'd been doing it for so many years. Jeno had almost all of their bar-dancing memorized. Mark would move lazily, coordination slowed down by the alcohol in his veins, the opposite of Jaemin and Donghyuck, who would dance as if it was for an audience, with mischievous glances and broad smiles, Chenle and Renjun went crazy, loudly singing along to the music and pulling their friends into strange formations and flailing arms - in an entirely endearing way. Jisung and Jeno were possibly the most reserved - he had a feeling Mark would've been to, was he not usually pretty out of it by the time they made it to the dance floor. Jisung would usually latch onto someone, more often than not Chenle - before they'd started dating he'd wrap an arm around the shorter boys shoulder, now he comfortably slipped his arms around Chenle's waist and placed his chin on his shoulder, swaying to the music.

Jeno, when dancing with strangers, would do something similar - just less nicely. He'd grab them by the hips and move with the music, grinning mischievously. Jeno usually didn't dance with strangers unless he wanted to do something more than dance. With his friends, however, Jeno laughed more than anything else.

Then, after Jaemin had dragged him to the dance floor, Jeno had had Jaemin's hands in his and the younger was pulling himself forwards and backwards, towards Jeno and then away from him, smile never leaving his lips. It was cute, and Jeno found himself laughing along with his best friend. He was loving it, all of it, even Mark eventually did fall down or when Renjun jumped onto Jaemin effectively taking him away from Jeno and prompting Jaemin to let go of his hands and grab onto Renjun's lean shoulders instead, like Renjun was doing to him, and jumping up and down with mammoth grins on their faces.

They danced for about 2 hours, with Jaemin intermediately being dragged away from their little friend group to dance with other attractive people. Every time it happened Jeno worried that Jaemin would forget about his I-don't-wanna-go-home-with-someone ultimatum for the night, but he never did, which frankly was a first. He'd always come back to the 6 of them, smiling just as brightly, just now with a number scrawled onto his arm or stuffed into his pocket - but, and this didn't happen often with Jaemin, he came back.

The trudged back home at around 2:45, making sure to drop Mark off first, ensuring that Johnny opened the door instead of his parents via a very quiet phone call, then Jisung and Chenle (who was spending the night at Jisung's apartment), then Renjun, then Donghyuck, and finally Jeno with Jaemin being the last to go home since he was the most (read: completely) sober. They walked down the street towards Jeno's house, a three floored apartment building with six families living inside it. It was your typical inner city home, small, compact, and run-down, but it was the only home Jeno had ever known. The building was actually one of the nicer ones in inner neo city, because it was a pale teal color that didn't quite reflect the dirt and damage the same all the white buildings surrounding it did. The street was like every other city in their town too, largely unlit, and always just a little scary - no matter how many times they'd walked it.

Jeno had his arm loosely thrown over Jaemin, who's own hands were stuffed into the pockets of his far too large colorblocked jacket, the yellow and blue and red all faded and the cloth ending a fair way into Jaemin's thighs. It had probably belonged to Jaehyun before Jaemin had it, considering he was a good bit taller and certainly more muscular. It was a typically dark night, their streets barely had any lighting aside from the glow coming in from midtown that was just subtle enough for Jeno to be able to make out Jaemin's features in the dark. His hair was mussed after he'd run his hands through it some thousand times on the dance floor, and the dark liner on his eyes was smudged in an unfairly attractive way. His loose white shirt still hung low on his shoulders, but he'd covered up in Jaehyun's jacket. It obviously wasn't warm enough, considering how he clung to Jeno who had been smart enough to wear the warm fleece Doyoung had thrifted for him for his birthday. When they reached Jeno's building, Jeno took in Jaemin's shivering form and the darkness of the streets.

"Wanna spend the night?" He said without hesitation.

Jaemin let out a sigh of relief, "Oh thank god I thought you just weren't gonna ask."

With anyone else it may have been awkward, but it was Jaemin, so it wasn't. They'd shared the bed too many times and spent too many nights sleeping side by side for them to ever be anywhere near uncomfortable about spending the night together. Jeno, now with the effects of the alcohol all but completely out of his system, unlocked his apartment to find it, as it often was, empty. Jeno's dad took the night shift at the local police station, where he worked as a uniform cop. It didn't pay much, but it _did_ pay more than taking the day job as there was more demand and less supply. Jeno thought it was a bit of a blessing, because it meant he got to meet his father during the day, despite how much of it he'd spend, rightfully, asleep. His mom had always hated it while she'd been there, complaining about how they spent no time as a family, that was ironic now.

Jaemin, all too familiar with the apartment, promptly collapsed onto Jeno's bed upon entering his bedroom. "God," he moaned, "I've basically forgotten what sleeping in a bed feels like." Jeno shook his head, taking off his jacket and reaching into his closet to find some clothes for him and Jaemin for the night, "maybe you guys should consider selling the couch and getting a bed for the living room or something?" Jaemin shrugged, "we would, except I think Jaehyun figures we're going to be moving soon - I think him and his boyfriend are considering it." Jeno whistled, "Damn," he said, throwing an old t-shirt and a pair of shorts towards Jaemin, "his poor, poor, boyfriend tho - he's going to be stuck with you lot all the time - and probably Johnny since he spends all his time in your house anyway." Jaemin giggled, "I think sharing a living space with Johnny may be infinitely worse than sharing it with me, Lami and Jaehyun put together." 

"What's the boyfriend's name, anyway?"

"Taeyong. You know the guy who works at The Velvet? Joohyun's younger brother."

"The short one?"

"I think you mean 'the hottest person I've ever seen with my two eyes' actually."

Jeno shook his head fondly, smiling down at Jaemin as the younger shrugged off his jacket and pulled Jeno's blanket over him. Jeno raised a brow, taking off his own jacket while doing so, "you're not going to change?" Jaemin hummed, "I will, I will. Just give me a minute, beds are just so comfy - you go first." Jeno shrugged, tugging off his own shirt. Jaemin whispered appreciatively, Jeno rolled his eyes ignoring the warmth in his stomach. "Damn, Jeno, have you somehow managed to fit a gym in here?" Jaemin said, face twisted into something between amusement, wonder, and bewilderment, "and if you have why have I never gotten to use it?" Jeno chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled on an old t-shirt and started unbuttoning his jeans.

"No Nana," he chuckled, "Doyoung just makes me do all the heavy lifting at the store."

"Well that's not surprising considering he has noodle arms and you're apparently built like a fucking doberman, Jeno."

"Shut up - and change, I'm tired."

Jaemin whined, eyes trailing away from Jeno and towards the clothes the older boy had thrown on his lap. "Now that you're like, big, your clothes won't fit me like they used to anymore." He picked up the shirt and examined it, "see? this thing's like 2 sizes bigger! Jesus christ Jeno!" He tugged off his shirt and threw Jeno's on, true to his claim, it was loose and hung well below his collar bones, it wasn't loose enough to slip of his shoulder or anything like that though, so Jaemin seamed satisfied enough, moving out of Jeno's bed to shrug off his pants. Jeno chuckled, tugging on his own pyjama pants and running his hands through his hair, "It's not my fault you're skinny, Nana."

Jaemin whined, "I'm not skinny!"

And, well, he wasn't. Jaemin was sturdy enough, just not quite _as_ sturdy as Jeno, not in the same way either, but strong and muscled nevertheless. Jaemin's muscles were light and sharp, the type people casting sexy y/a novel adaptations liked (you know, like Edward Cullen and instead of whatever the other ones name was, Jake? Jackson?). Jeno liked them too. They were, like most everything about Jaemin was, pretty in an unexpected but entirely - and enormously - attractive kind of way. 

Once they'd both changed out of their sweaty, alcohol scented, clothes, Jeno jumped into his bed, followed promptly by Jaemin. Jaemin launched himself onto Jeno not much after, laughing softly as Jeno let out a little 'oof' upon impact. "Not so skinny now huh?" jaemin taunted, settling half on top of Jeno and half off him on the bed and resting his elbows against Jeno's chest. Jeno laughed, "not so skinny," he said with a small smile, "now go to bed I'm tired," he said, reaching to turn of the light. Jaemin giggled slipping off him but still very much pressing himself to Jeno, "old man," he said softly. Jeno just laughed, running his hand through Jaemin's hair, "G'night Nana," he said. Jaemin laughed from next to him. "Night."

Jeno had always left his sexuality as undecided.

He liked sex, sex was fun and it didn't matter who it was with - as long as Jeno got to feel the push and pull and hear the gasps and moans, Jeno was fulfilled - at least, well, sexually. Girls were nice, soft and just pleasant enough for the morning after to not be absolutely, mind-numbingly, awkward. Boys were nice too - less pleasant than girls most of the time, but the sex was almost always more fun, since more often than not there was a mutual understanding of what both parties wanted. With a boy Jeno just had to exchange a look and he'd know if he could get what he wanted, girls were just a little bit harder to figure out. Regardless, as long as they were decently nice, Jeno didn't really have much of a problem, regardless of what they had in their pants.

Romantic attraction was a whole other thing all together.

Jeno didn't know what love felt like. He kind of knew what it looked like though, he'd been seeing Jisung and Chenle and Mark and Donghyuck interact for years, and he'd heard enough passing gasps of "aw, look how in love they are!"

From that, Jeno figured that love looked different depending on the people involved. With Mark and Donghyuck it had been bumpy, the two had too much common - both the good and the bad. They were both similarly stubborn and neither was willing to admit anything at first, it took a while for anything to concrete to happen - to say to the least, but once they settled into it they were so, so, happy. When Jeno looked at Mark and Donghyuck he thought love was basically friendship, with the added exchange of longing looks and a calm that the pair had never had when they were friends.

Jisung and Chenle were different, Jeno figured those two had never really been friends, there was always something more. They were like soulmates honestly, it was more sickening than Mark and Donghyuck even, because they didn't even have to look at each other to know what to do. They were like a well oiled machine, filling in each others gaps and highlighting each others strengths. Love, in the form of Jisung and Chenle, was comfort and ease and familiarity, it was soft and bright and Jeno would always think it was adorable - regardless of how many times he'd caught them making out behind Kim's Convenience and promptly had to kick them out since the pair had started officially dating.

Jeno didn't know if he'd ever been in love - he had the strong hunch that he had been, and currently was, but Jeno's hunches often dragged him into entirely unwelcome situations, so just this once he wouldn't be listening. Despite the fact that it was being yelled into Jeno's head as he looked down at Jaemin right now, drenched in saturday morning sunshine, curled up with his head buried into Jeno's neck and legs twisted with his. His hair was against Jeno's face, pink strands occasionally tickling his cheek and nose, and his eyelashes brushed against Jeno's neck. It felt nice, and though usually Jeno quite liked seeing Jaemin's face (he liked it a whole lot), there was a simple pleasure of having it pushed against him as well. Jaemin wasn't a morning person - Jeno figured it came with consuming about 16 cups of coffee a day each with approximately a million shots of espresso - so he didn't bother with attempting to wake the younger up, just layed there, Jaemin squished against him, and carefully reached out towards his phone.

The phone read 11:09, so even by Jaemin standards this was an acceptable time to wake up. 

He shook the younger boy softly with whispers of "wake up it's 11 a.m."

Jaemin didn't make much of an attempt at a response, just a whine against Jeno's neck and a "five more minutes, Jeno." 

For whatever reason the fact that Jaemin recognized him even through a sleepy, early morning haze, warmed Jeno's heart. "Sorry Nana," Jeno chuckled, shaking him once again, "I'm hungry and I can't get out of bed with you sprawled all over me." Jaemin groaned once again, snugglin further into Jeno, hands curling upwards to rest against Jeno's shirt, "then suffer," he said, voice entirely too soft for that particular pair of words. Jeno just chuckled and continued slowly shaking the boy, the smile never leaving his lips - Jeno had always been a morning person, or more accurately, a morning-with-Jaemin person.

Jaemin eventually got up after ten minutes of jostling. Practically sliding out of bed and traipsed over to Jeno's closet pulling out his favorite sweatshirt, well Jaemin's favorite of Jeno's sweatshirts at least, this big blue, red and yellow colorblocked one that was big on Jeno and even bigger on Jaemin, Jeno tried his best not to audibly coo from his bed (which he still hadn't quite gotten out of) at the sight. "I'll make breakfast," Jaemin said, good call, Jeno's cooking was passable at best. 

When Jeno finally rolled out of bed, pulling out a sweatshirt for himself and trying his best to sort out his mussed up hair, he trudged into the kitchen, finding Jaemin making an omelette on the only pan that Jeno and his dad owned. It was all awfully domestic, aside from the fact that unlike all the rom-coms Chenle made Jeno see Jaemin was not a happy, little, disney princess type in the morning. He was struggling now, to keep his eyes focused long enough to be able to actually flip the omelette with his chopsticks. "You need some help there masterchef?" Jeno said, grabbing some water to boil so he could make himself a cup of tea - if the mug next to Jaemin was telling Jeno anything it was that the younger had already made himself coffee for the day. 

"If you join in it'll only go further to shit."

"Well, you're not wrong."

"I very rarely am."

Now that wasn't true. Jaemin was wrong a lot of the time, but Jeno wasn't going to point that out right now - he _did_ want an omelette. "Is your dad here by the way?" Jaemin asked, "Cause then I'll make you guys some lunch or something before I leave - god knows both of you are incapable of taking care of yourselves." Jeno chuckled, Jaemin was barely one to talk but again, Jeno would not be bringing that up. "Yup he's asleep right now - although I don't see why my dad has to be here, would you have not made lunch if it was just me." Jaemin rolled his eyes with a scoff, "no," he said curtly. Jeno whacked his arms knowing Jaemin didn't mean any of it. 

Jaemin did make them lunch before leaving, announcing that he needed to go home and clean up before heading for his shift at Lionheart Salon - Jeno pointed out that he could do it here, Jaemin ignored him (Jeno knew he was only going home to assure his siblings he was okay, his phone was dead and Jaemin was just that kind of person). He left behind Kimchi fried rice with a perfect fried egg, sunny side up, placed on top, and a hug. Jaemin gave good hugs, especially with Jeno since they were practically the same height (Jaemin was half an inch shorter, something Jeno shoved into his face almost daily). Jeno squeezed back and then watched as Jaemin took towards the door. 

"So, how's your decision to be all good-two-shoes last night treating you?" Jeno asked as Jaemin slipped on his shoes.

Jaemin shrugged, shooting Jeno a sleepy and still endlessly sunny smile, "not bad - I didn't have to do the walk of shame even if did wake up next to cute guy."

Jeno felt his face flush as he rolled his eyes, "right back at you Jaem."

When Jaemin eventually did leave, he left Jeno with that question that had been eating him up ever since he first realised that Jaemin was, well, Jaemin - a.k.a everything Jeno wanted in life. He questioned their relationship often, it seemed too intimate to be friendly, but Jaemin was intimate with a lot of people - in more ways than one. _This_ was when the jealousy kicked in, because Jeno knew he was special in Jaemin's life, just not how special, and there was always a lingering feeling that eventually Jaemin would find someone better - not to replace Jeno, but to _love_. Someone with more wealth and ambition, who could give Jaemin everything he deserved. _This_ was where the self-doubt came in, because no matter how much Jeno loved Jaemin, he knew he could never give the other everything he deserved. 

Love was complicated Jeno figured.

It was messy, and Jeno wasn't particularly good at figuring it out - or figuring out Jaemin for that matter. But for now, Jeno was content with, well, whatever relationship him and Jaemin had, because it meant that Jeno could stare at up at Jaemin's face with his head in the youngers lap as he smoked his cigarettes, or dance with Jaemin after downing a few shots at The Luna, or occasionally wake up with Jaemin in his arms, face buried against his neck. And as much as Jeno didn't want to be left behind, for now this was more, much much more, than enough, because Jeno loved Jaemin, in all his messiness and ambiguity, because he was Jaemin - and really what more could Jeno ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> tip: if you live in a small town or a close knitted inner city, the making friends with the owner and bribing the bartender thing really works. If you live in a big city, like I do, then I'd suggest making a fake ID, trust me it works like 85% of the time.
> 
> Also this ones open ended because im definitely writing a proper sequel since this dynamic is too interesting not to properly explore.


End file.
